If you have a large family like me or, perhaps you just enjoy bulk shopping, you’ve more than likely big to one of the top warehouse clubs across our great country. You know, the place where you can get 84 rolls of toilet paper, a new washer and a rotisserie chicken all in the same trip. I am a somewhat frequent shopper to my local Costco and every time I go there I am still shocked and surprised by what awaits inside.

You Never Know

I’m not talking about the actual products, although, that is a fun game too. Part of the fun is you never know what they’re going to have. Sure, you can usually count on meat, produce, basic staples; like eggs and bread. But sometimes you get ,what I like to call, the wildcard. Maybe it’s a 12 foot pink flamingo pool float, could be a pre-lit Christmas wreath, heck, you could walk out of there with a brand new patio set! See, that’s where they get you. You’ve gone in to buy boring things like cheese and butter and then you’re distracted by beautiful new bath towels that look so much nicer than yours or an ergonomic kitchen mat, because your posture matters!

Where Is Everything?

I always find myself confused every time I step foot inside. It’s not like the regular grocery store where you can walk the aisles in your sleep and tell your husband on exactly which shelf he can find the sour cream that you forgot. It seems they move everything every time I go and I spend a good twenty minutes looking for that one last item. I just read an article that said this is done strategically, as a marketing technique. The idea is that if they constantly move the items you’re left wandering and able to stumble across that flamingo/wreath/patio set that you’ve now decided you can’t live without. I’m not sure if this is true, but if it is—brilliant! Costco, you little minx, you! Well played. I fall for it EVERY time. I have never left the store with at least one item that I had no intention of buying upon entering. And, even though I’m on to your game now, I think it’s really fun; so I’ll keep playing.

Worlds Colliding

The other crazy phenomena I notice whenever I pay a visit to my warehouse is the strange demographics. Now, this may be based on where I live, so you can let me know. But, there are three categories of shoppers in my Costco: 1. the mamas like me feeding like a hundred kids, 2. the commercial people outfitting restaurants or businesses, 3. older people.

It is the last category that I find so fascinating. I have no earthly idea why you would bulk shop for two people. I maybe get it for paper products or cleaning supplies, but even then, why would you go to a separate store, brave the insanity, for two things? My only guess is: retirement. I’m guessing these sweet people no longer have the grind of a 9-5 weighing them down. They probably don’t have young kids to taxi around. So, if it’s 11:00 a.m. may as well head over to Costco, grab that giant bottle of Glucosamine make your way through the free sample tables and call it lunch. And that’s just it, these sweet elderly people amble through this war zone of products with a giant cart and two things in it—TWO THINGS! I’m in no way speaking ill of these lovely seniors. I just don’t understand it. I would NEVER go bulk shopping if I didn’t actually need and use 72 eggs over a two-week period.

One Of These Things Is Not Like The Other

But, based on my experience, the feeling is very mutual. These sweet people eye me like I’m getting ready to outfit a fall out shelter in anticipation of the apocalypse. They love to eye my cart that’s strategically stacked like a game of Jenga with a look of disbelief and horror. “Are you having a party?” I’m not sure what parties look like in your golden years, but my cart usually consists of a lot of toilet paper, fruit and some organic cheese puffs—that does not a party make. I do usually throw a few (read: at least half a case) bottles of wine in for good measure, so maybe that’s what’s throwing them off?

It’s like they’re trying to make me feel badly. I get it, I’m buying A LOT of stuff, but we are IN a warehouse store. I know we’re mass consumers and I’m concerned about my family’s carbon footprint, but my people are going to eat 2 jars of organic peanut butter AND that giant bag of rice quicker than you can blink. So, stop judging me!

I try not to be smart alec or condescending. In the beginning, I usually just smile and nod. But, by the end, I’m out of patience, I’m trying to balance the items on this cart like a Cirque de Soliel acrobat and I still have like ten more things to find because they moved everything! So, then, I may have a little fun. When I get the wide eyes and the comment, “you must have a giant family,” I simply smile and say, “yes, ma’am I have 15 children, hoping for number 16 just to even things out!” Or, when I hear, “wow, are you having a party?” for the tenth time, I may respond, “yes, sir, every day of my life is a party!”

It’s clear we don’t understand the each other’s plight. And though we are in the same warehouse; we are miles apart in the game of life. Maybe I’m jealous? I want to just wander around with no one to feed but myself. I want to be able to eat 2 pieces of kielbasa and a sample of cheese and be good until dinner. So, forgive me, sweet elderly shoppers if I was snarky. I have the utmost respect for you. After all, you survived this mess of raising children and feeding and clothing them and trying to send them out into the world as decent human beings. You are a light at the end of this tunnel; you made it! So, keep doing you and, I’ll meet you at the samples around 11:00 in about twenty years.

I can’t believe that we do this for nine months of the year! This is the thought I had last week as we were catapulted back into the school year. I’ve said it before, but, no matter how many times I do it, that first week is brutal. In my non-scientific research, I’ve discovered I’m not alone. Getting back to that routine no matter how long you’ve done it or known about it is an abrupt shock to the system. However, after a few days to adjust and a weekend to accept our fate, I’m starting to remember that some of this routine ain’t so bad.

Schedule Me In

Back to school means back to the rigid schedule. Gone are the restful days of summer.  You  have to get up earlier and wake the dead (your sleeping children), ensure they’re dressed, fed and somewhat ready to conquer their day. But, the bonus here whether you’re at home or working is at least you’ve got a baseline. You know this drill. You know what time they’ve got to be up, how long it takes to get them to where they’re going and when you need to retrieve them. You’re no longer in camp counselor mode where you have to try to figure out what exciting and non-electronic activities you’ll be doing that day, or find the basket weaving camp that’s 30 minutes across town. There is comfort in what we know.

This routine is like our old pal in some ways. It also allows us to get back some normalcy in our schedule. You can start to work on the giant list that you’ve created over the summer aptly titled, “all of the things that I had no time to do over the summer.” Mine is about 734 items long and most of it centers around places I needed to go, but didn’t want to drag 3 children along to. So live it up mamas! Make your dentist/doctor/hair appointment that you’ve put off for at least the last eight weeks. Go to Target with a list and a dream and wander around that bad boy. You can take your time, no one is rushing you. You may actually remember to buy everything on the list because you’re not interrupted 647 times to “look at this cool toy” or break up a small altercation between your children. You will not have to say the word “no” so many times, even you’re tired of hearing it, yet still walk away with at least $20 of items that those little swindlers coaxed you into buying. You’re free!

Sweet Freedom

That freedom is a wonderful thing. About this time each year, lots of my friends start thinking about their goals and ideas. What do they want to do for themselves? Maybe the school year brings a start to your new and improved diet and exercise plan? This is timely since there has never been a human life form that consumes more food than a child on summer break. Perhaps you’re getting re-focused on work goals that you had to table because of all of your summer travel or general mayhem? Or, you could just be taking a breath and trying to figure out what it is you’d like to do because you’ve been so knee-deep in parenting over the last three months you’ve hardly been able to string two cohesive thoughts together.

It’s time. It’s time to think about yourself again. It’s time to think about what sorts of things you’d like to accomplish this school year. It doesn’t have to be big or daunting, but we should recognize this shift in life and take advantage. You have the comfort of this routine, you’ve seen this movie. Now that you know what’s coming, you can better manage what’s next for you. You don’t have to write the next great American novel or get promoted three times at work–you just have to ask yourself, “what’s next?”

Star Student

Perhaps what’s next for you is a lot of daytime television uninterrupted by children, or getting through the week without eating anything from a drive-thru–you do you. But, maybe this is the year you go back to work or finally start your online business or get your house organized? It’s OK to make big goals. It’s also perfectly OK to not reach them immediately. Life is long and so is the school year.

Give yourself the opportunity to surprise yourself. Ask yourself what you would do if there were no restrictions. You may not be able to move to France and paint your next masterpiece right this very second, but, maybe you could take an art class or just get set up a canvas and try? Maybe you won’t run a marathon this year, but what about a 5K? If you never ask yourself, you’ll never know.

The point of the school year, for our children, is to learn new things, learn about themselves and be prepared for the next level. Why don’t we do the same? Let’s learn something new, challenge ourselves; be ready for whatever we decide is next. School’s in session. Let’s rock this thing all the way until June!

I just want to make a purchase! I am not a person that lacks focus. I don’t mind shopping. So why do I feel like even the simplest purchases involve fifteen steps? Even in this day and age of instant gratification and Amazon Prime (read: life source) I still feel like it takes forever to buy the littlest thing.

Too Much Information

I think that our access to all of that information is an amazing thing. If you want to research: vacation destinations, buying a home, how to write a business plan; you can truly educate yourself without leaving your home. But, what if I just want to buy a new suitcase? I’m immediately presented with 16 different retailers offering 43 different brands in 12 different sizes. Now, I’ve clicked down a rabbit hole that’s left me more confused about hard sided vs. soft-sided, unsure about how many pockets I need, but thoroughly enjoying the pictures that one of the reviewers posted of himself with his suitcase on his latest river cruise. WAIT! What happened?!

Now it’s been twenty-five minutes. I have no suitcase. I don’t know which one I want because, honestly, they all look the same and are the same price. I close the tab in frustration, loosing a piece of my life I’ll never get back. I just wanted to close the circle–need suitcase, buy suitcase, have suitcase. Maybe I sound like a caveman, but, I bet the caveman ended up with his suitcase. You get my metaphor!

Sometimes, I feel like this age of information is leaving us all with a little bit of analysis paralysis. There are so many options and so many choices. We almost fear making a decision because there is always something better out there–if we just search long and hard enough for it. But, that leads to this constant feeling of self-doubt. If I just look a little harder, wait a little longer, I’ll find the perfect solution. I think we’re overthinking it.

Sometimes Good Is Good Enough

If you enjoy this hunt for the ideal item/best deal, go with God! I’d suggest you figure out a way to monetize it and market it for the rest of us who just need a new suitcase/dog bed/blender. Help the sisters out who just want to choose between product A or product B and get on with living. I just want a suitcase that hold things and doesn’t break. I’ll take any dog bed that smells better than the one we currently have. My hopes for a new blender is that it blends things. I don’t feel like it’s a lot to ask. I don’t need to read 16-page descriptions of how these items operate and what Betty in Topeka thinks of them.

Look, if it’s a big ticket item or something you have no knowledge of– I get it. It is important to be an informed consumer. But, I feel we’re all wasting our lives away twenty minutes at a time researching options for the best dry erase board. Let’s break the cycle! Let’s purchase the first item that meets our criteria and budget and be done. We’ll never look back, we’ll have what we need and go on to live our best life.

Yesterday, I walked into a store (gasp) and purchased two suitcases that looked like they may possibly fit the things I intend to put in them. I wheeled those bad boys out, put them in my car and I am never going to think about suitcases again until one of these breaks. Yesterday I was a success; I was a winner. It felt amazing.

It can be done friends! We can release ourselves from the expectations that we must read every review, search every price match. We can buy things, cross them off our list and move on. We can stop constantly second guessing ourselves on the littlest things, because that mindset works its nasty little way

into the rest of our thoughts and it doesn’t belong there. You know who you are, you know what you want, now go buy it!

“Perhaps the shortest and most powerful prayer in the human language is help.”—Father Thomas Keating

I read this quote today and thought—WOW, just wow! Isn’t it the truth? And, why, why is it so hard for some of us to ask for help? Why do we feel like less than or not enough if we may need a hand?

I Can Do It All

I, along with lots of people I know and love, am guilty of wanting to do things myself. The motivation for taking it all on can be very different for each of us. Maybe we don’t like giving up control, so we’d rather go it alone. Perhaps we don’t think anyone else can possibly live up to our high standards? Or, maybe we’ve all been taught and trained that there is some honor in being completely and totally self-sufficient.

I’m not suggesting that you live with your parents until your 48 or rely on other people to pay your bills. But, I am suggesting that there’s nothing dishonorable about relying on others. Life, for most of us, is designed as a team sport. We usually have a partner of some kind. We even call it “doing life” with this person. Almost all of us work in some sort of cooperative team environment where we have to work with and rely on all sorts people. Usually, we’re part of some sort of community—school, church, you name it—all of these situations require us to rely on others. We don’t operate in a vacuum, we’re no strangers to needing other people. So why are we so afraid to ask for help?

It’s Personal

I think that most of us are OK with the idea of help in the settings I just described. “Hey, can you provide me with the numbers I need to forecast annual sales?” –no problem with that ask—it’s somebody’s job to help you out there. “Would you like to help with the church picnic?”—also, fine because the whole thing is reliant upon volunteers. But, what about when it’s just for us?

How many of us acknowledge that we may need help? And, if we do, how many of us actually have the courage to ask for it? My guess is not a lot of us. We’re taught from an early age that certain phases of life are just plain hard, and, they are. Having a newborn, an aging parent, a financial crisis is just plain difficult. There is no way around the struggle that comes along with these kinds of life events. I love the saying, “the only way through it is through it.” And if that’s true then, surely, some help would help!

I think it all goes back to my least favorite four-letter word—FEAR. We’re afraid to ask for help because that makes us vulnerable and we’ve been taught vulnerable people are weak. But, the dumbest part about that is that we ARE all vulnerable. It doesn’t matter your circumstance, one thing that life teaches you early on is; illness, tragedy, misfortune—it doesn’t discriminate. We are all vulnerable, all of the time. So, why are we wasting time pretending? Why pretend that if you can manage everything every day without the help of anyone else you receive some sort of prize or award? Maybe, I’m missing it, between the Golden Globes and The Oscars, but I don’t recall any International She Does Everything Herself Awards.

Fake News

Let’s blame childhood. We all love to believe the fairy tale. It’s just different now. It’s the one where our friends, or the women we follow on social media, own their own company, travel around the world, raise children that are always clean and dressed impeccably, while working out five times a week and having perfect hair and make-up—all by themselves. I’m not saying that these amazing women don’t, in fact, do all of these things. I’m not attempting to diminish their accomplishments in any way. I’m simply saying that they HAVE HELP. Someone is taking their kids to school while they travel for business, there are probably a few people behind the scenes as they build their empire—this doesn’t make them any less successful, it makes them smart, because, NO ONE can do it alone.

We need to start being honest with ourselves about realistic expectations. Maybe you can run a business from your kitchen table while being the sole caretaker of your children, but you’re going to have to do it in yoga pants and unwashed hair—who cares? You can take on the business world dressed for success during the hours of 8-5 because you have an amazing sitter that steps in when your kids get off the bus and holds down the fort until you arrive. Why can’t we grade ourselves on a curve, like in college?

You Don’t Have to DO It All To Have It All

Then there’s the idea that we have to physically DO something to claim it as our accomplishment. Just because you bought cookies to bring to the bake sale doesn’t mean you didn’t really contribute. Pay someone to clean your house? The end result is the same—a house free from fifth. Have a nanny that fills in all of the blanks for you and your kids? That’s still YOU taking care of your kids. You carefully choose the people you enlist to help you. They don’t just show up like magical fairies or Mary Poppins. These people are a part of the life that you’re building. You are the architect, the designer, the creator of this life—it still belongs to you.

Such A Giver

I’m willing to bet that most of us would gladly BE the help to any of our friends in need. I’m quite sure that you and I are the first to sign up for meal trains or take someone’s kid to practice. You probably do this because you care for the person that you’re helping. Or maybe you help anonymously, because the joy you get from knowing you did good for someone else is what makes your heart sing. Either way, you don’t judge the recipient of the help. You’re probably even happy to do it. Guess what? They’d probably be happy to return the favor!

Use Your Words

Why do we assume we’re “bothering” someone by asking? This is like telling your child not to “bother” the teacher with a question. If you need help, you’re SUPPOSED to ask. This is the toughest part for a lot of us. You have to put it out there, you have to acknowledge that you can’t do it all. Or, maybe you CAN do it, but it would be so much better if you didn’t. So, if you’re looking for your life to be the best it can be while you juggle all that it throws at you, you’re going to have to use your words.

Let’s agree to all do it together. Let’s start a marketing campaign to improve help’s image. We’ll all ask for it, we’ll all offer it, we’ll all accept it. I promise we will be better for it. We will feel supported and part of something that is bigger than us. We will be a better version of ourselves for the people we are trying so desperately to show up for. We’ll raise our hands, we’ll use our words, we’ll make help great again!

As the first day of school arrives so does the litany of forms, pledges, extra supplies and general “stuff” that you need to provide so that you can safely leave your child for six hours and regain your school year freedom. And, no matter how many years I do this exact same drill, I always find myself mentally and physically drained by the end of week one—like moved all day tired, like maybe I had a baby yesterday tired—why is this so exhausting?

Mind The Time

I suppose depending on how your summer operates, there is some challenge to getting back to the school year “hours.” You may have been enjoying sleeping until the magical hour of 8:00 a.m. or even later, or maybe your child has–hooray for you! No matter what your start time, you’ve certainly been relieved of some of your time monitor duties—you know the drill: “10 more minutes until bed, 5 more minutes until bed, 12 seconds before bed,” (insert exasperated raised voice). Because, honestly, in the summer, who cares? Who cares if your kid is tired when they go to art camp, a little sleepy when they arise for their Fortnite tournament, maybe a little groggy when they head off to soccer camp–the answer: NO ONE!

The expectation of the summer child is so low; it’s delightful. Did this child get enough sleep? Probably not. Were they up too late last night? Most definitely. Have they hit all of the 5 food groups today? Not a chance. Are they clean? This depends on your definition of “clean.” I believe that every mother on the planet has a different definition of the word “clean” for the months of June through August. Summer clean is a loose guideline, left up to interpretation; it’s flexible.

The Warden Is In

This is all a vast departure of what takes place once that school bell rings on day one. School child has got a whole new set of rules and expectations. School child has to be on time. For this to happen, school mom has to operate with military precision. Take five extra minutes to eat your breakfast because you’re staring into space and you’re looking a tardy right in the face. And, let’s face it, unless your child drives themselves to school, no matter how much you were trying, how early you woke them—that tardy is on you—you’re the time failure.

It’s a lot of pressure. And, it’s not only the morning routine. If you happen to have an early riser that’s a dream to get out of the house, I say God Bless, and don’t tell any of your friends that, because they will not find it charming. Even, if you do have a morning angel, there is still the after school and evening routine.

If your child does any after school activities this requires additional time management, transportation and most likely another food source of some kind. You’ve got to pack these kids up at 6:45 a.m. and make sure they’ve got what they need to survive all of the things until their later return—and some of them are REALLY later—like 10 hours later! You miss a cleat, a jersey or a snack in this operation and you’re DONE! Now, you’re the after school activities failure.

Then we get to the dinner/homework/bedtime hours. Depending on the ages of your children, the degree of difficulty here varies. It’s sort of a sliding scale. Admittedly, it’s not easy to coax a 6 year-old into bed, but, I would submit, that it’s a far cry better than having to do algebra homework at 9:00 p.m. (unless math problems are your secret hobby, but again, I’d keep that one to myself, if I were you). No matter what the age, you’ve got to get the timing just right here as well. If you don’t start thinking about whatever you’re feeding people for dinner by at least 3:00 p.m., then nothing is getting ordered/cooked/delivered in time. This sets off a chain reaction of lateness and BOOM! It’s 8:00 p.m. and your 30 minutes past your 5 year-old’s bedtime and they still haven’t bathed.

It’s like beat the clock all day long. Or like every action movie you’ve ever seen when they’re diffusing a bomb. It seems like it’s going ok, until it’s not, people start yelling and sweating and then, somehow, you narrowly avoid disaster. Hmm…I wonder why getting back to this is so exhausting?

It’s tough out there, my friends. I’m not sure there is any way to ease back into the school routine. But, have faith that thousands before us have done this and we surely will be able to succeed somehow. We all need to give ourselves some grace and realize that a well-loved kid is the true end goal. As we dive back in, I wish for you stress free mornings, relaxed evenings that roll right in to peaceful rest, and children that can find both of their shoes at least 78 percent of the time. Welcome Back!

As another school year begins, so do the endless “opportunities” to volunteer at your child’s school. If the idea of that giant table stretched out across the gym lined with the endless volunteer sign up sheets, makes you want to cringe and run the other way, you are not alone, my friend.

Before anyone freaks out, let me go on record and say that schools are an amazing place. They are probably THE most important institutions in our society. The wonderful people who take part in educating our children should be held in the highest esteem—I believe they have a fast pass to Heaven, but that’s just me. These wonderful people need parental involvement and support to help make our children successful. But, they don’t necessarily need all of us to sign up to chair the 439 “school events” during the year.

Volunteering is great. It’s a great way to make friends, you get to know your child’s teacher, the school staff, you feel a part of the community—all good. You can get that from volunteering for a couple of hours at any school event of your choosing. What I am talking about is the pressure we feel to sign up for multiple events, chair events, recruit other people to volunteer—it’s like a weird volunteer pyramid scheme.

You may be one of those people that absolutely LOVES to put together a walk-a-thon/auction/cake walk. If you are, fantastic! The other moms and I thank you from the bottom of our hearts. We truly appreciate all that you do to further our precious little school community, we do. We just don’t want to do it with you.

This is not to say that we are unwilling to help. We are happy to help. We will sign up for a few things here and there. We will help out with anything the teacher needs from us. We just don’t want to be a professional volunteer. We want to choose the opportunities that make sense for our life/schedule/child and be done. Why isn’t that OK?

Just Say No!

Guess what? I’m here to tell you that it is OK. It’s perfectly OK to say no to chairing the school carwash/fishing tournament/spaghetti dinner. It’s OK to say “no” with absolutely no excuse. That’s right, friends, you don’t even have to make up a good excuse—you can just say “NO.”

This may not be groundbreaking information for some of you, but for a lot of us, this ideology was hard to come by. When I first entered in to the school community I felt obligated to participate in these volunteer “opportunities.” Lots of them were great, I have friends today that I made while tying paper flowers on to bags or organizing auction items. But, at some point my perspective changed a little bit. I realized that I didn’t want to spend all of my time focused on things relating to my children; I wanted to use my limited free time to do something I wanted to do—GASP! And, if I was spending time on something for my kids, I wanted it to be that– something FOR my kids. You see, I realized a few years in that my kids don’t give a flip if I’m head of the school carnival, chairperson for box tops or on every field trip. My kids (and I’m guessing yours too) care if I make their favorite breakfast, or read with them, or take them out to dinner and talk about their day. My kids care that I’m around when they need me, not when it’s time to sell candles/wrapping paper/jelly to our family and friends.

It Takes All Kinds

So, if you love volunteering at school, I applaud you and I thank you. I think you should keep doing it because we need people like you to help keep the rest of us in line. But, I’d also ask that you don’t judge the rest of us that don’t love it. Maybe it’s not even that we don’t love it—maybe it’s we only have so much time in our day and something else is a priority right now? So, please put your sheets out and I promise people will help out, with or without your side eye.

And to those of us that want to help, but don’t want to do it like it’s our full time job, I’m here to tell you—it’s OK! It’s ok to decide that your new cross fit program is more important to you this month. It’s ok that your career just doesn’t allow for two-hour field trips in the middle of the day. If you’ve decided to watch all of Outlander from start to finish in a one week period and this precludes you from participating in the “Welcome Back Breakfast,” so be it. You don’t need any excuse. You are in charge of determining what’s deserving of your time.

Whether you are the cheerful chairwoman or the variable volunteer, I can guarantee you this—you love your children. No matter how much time you spend on campus, I’m willing to bet you appreciate and value your child’s school and the wonderful people that make it so. Let’s not judge each other on how we show our appreciation or how we show up for our kids. Let’s just be thankful that we are all showing up the best we can every day.

So friends, as the sign up sheet season approaches, I just say, look into your heart. If you’re compelled to put on the best talent show this side of the Great White Way—we support you and are here for you. If you choose to spend this school year catching up on the eleven years of back scrap booking you have to do, we’ve got your back! And, if you’re somewhere in the middle and can make it to a field trip AND be caught up on all of your reality TV, well then, you are winning life and we hold you up as an example for the rest of us. There’s room for all of us at the sign up table– Lord knows it’s long enough!

Dear Pinterest Crazed Teacher,

I applaud you for your zeal and ingenuity. I too enjoy a good Pinterest browse—usually after a glass(es) of wine. However, I do not appreciate your enthusiasm for crafting and all things craft being imposed upon me and my family. I also do not appreciate your egregious assumption that I have crafting supplies on hand for your various and sundry spontaneous crafts.

I’m just saying, when I went to school there were maybe one or two times a year when we had to “dress up” and by that, I mean wear something nice, not dress like an animal or your favorite book character or a historical figure, or your favorite game show host, blah, blah, blah. That was the extent of it for parents, pull out the holiday or church attire, show up for some kind of super cute performance and be done. Everyone is precious, we’ve all had a super cute moment; mission accomplished.

But, not anymore! We’ve upped the ante significantly. Kids used to be able to write a report, draw a cute cover and call it a day. Now, they must whittle something out of wood that represents your favorite adjective, paint a canvas that depicts Egyptian hieroglyphics or throw a pot that resembles Abraham Lincoln. And, of course, they do this all by themselves, with no parental involvement—sure, right.

What is happening here? Am I the only person that is wishing for less? Do all of the other parents of school-aged children truly have nothing better to do than troll the aisles of Michael’s or Hobby Lobby looking for ingredients to create the perfect costume/school project??

Let’s just take into consideration the time and money involved in the “simple” school project. My favorite is when the ask you to “just use things around the house” to create this masterpiece. Unfortunately, I have OCD and a hatred of crafts, so I do not have an excess supply of pipe cleaners, rope, puffy paint, modge podge, or whatever the heck it is you’re asking me to include in this most fabulous “simple” recreation of the Ark or the Pilgrims landing. I’m fresh out of twine, googly eyes and a full Civil War costume—Please, just don’t.

Look, let me break it down to you, sweet, adorable, imaginative teacher, that has no children of her own yet. I have more than one child; I don’t have a magical craft supply closet. So, every time you ask me to participate in one of your “simple” crafts, it requires a trip to the store and a very uncomfortable and stress filled crafting session. I’m cursing you as I pay the $20, $30, $40 dollars that I may as well light on fire. We’ll make something fabulous, one or all of us will be crying , but it will get done. I will hate you with all of my heart for a brief period, but I’ll probably get over it. I love you for wanting to do something fun and crafty, I do. I just want you to do it AT school with YOUR OWN supplies.

Sweet teacher, I’d ask you to evaluate your relationship with Pinterest and “easy” crafts. Maybe it’s time you take a break? Maybe you don’t need to post the cutest elementary school crafts done by your “awesome first graders” and be the envy of all your crafty teacher colleagues? I care about you and truly appreciate all you do for my child and all the other little children. My heartfelt wish for you is that when you one day have a child of your own, they attend an educationally stellar school with teachers who are completely apathetic toward home-based crafts, because I’m a giver and a forgiver. You’re welcome.

The Art of Perpetually Getting Ready

It occurs to me that I spend a great deal of my time preparing things. I prepare things for other things, I prepare people for things, and I even attempt to prepare myself for things, when I’m lucky. However, I now find myself wondering: is all this preparing actually getting in the way of doing? Am I not getting anything done because I’m too busy getting ready to do things?

Is it possible that I’m using preparation as a crutch? I can’t possibly start writing because my computer isn’t running properly. I would love to have a dinner party, but I haven’t tackled the ever-present to-do list around my house. I can’t travel to Europe because I don’t have time to plan my itinerary. The truth is that these obstacles I’m plagued with may just be a really creative way at practicing avoidance and masking fear.

Nobody’s Perfect

Or better yet, they may be another way that the dreaded idea of perfection rears its ugly head. Perfection that doesn’t, and will never exist. Perfection that is the death of happiness. Or, in this case, what could’ve been a rockin’ dinner party or an amazing trip. How can I not be paralyzed by perfection?

The truth of the matter is being a so-called “perfectionist” is not always a bad thing. We’re thorough, we’ve done our research, we generally deliver an above average end product. I am learning though, that we sometimes deliver nothing, nada, zero, zilch—you get my point. If I can’t learn to let go of the idea that everything I undertake has to end up as perfect as it first appeared in my head, I fear I’ll never really do anything again—and that’s a pretty scary thought.

The reality that is life rarely allows us to devote time, single-mindedly, without distraction to one task for long periods of time. (If this is not your reality, than God bless and I say rock that for as long as you can!) But, I have come to accept it as my own and by doing this, I realize that I sometimes am just going to have to take on things knowing with absolute certainty that they won’t be perfect. Heck, some of them might not even get finished (gasp!)! And you know what ? That’s going to have to be OK, because I’ve decided that perfection is not going to get in the way of my happiness. And, it turns out, that I’m much happier when I’m doing. Oh, I love to geek out on a plan, but if I’m being honest, the doing is where it’s at. It’s where the thrill lies, the part that gives you the feels—it’s also terrifying.

Just DO It

You know the doing feeling, it’s amazing. That sense of accomplishment when you paint a room, clean out a closet, finish writing a 15 page presentation—you’re so proud of yourself, because you DID it. But, and I don’t want to crush your dreams, the odds that that room/closet/presentation were perfect are slim to none. You’re not proud of yourself because it’s perfect, you’re proud because it’s done. You’re proud because you had an awesome idea in your head, you made a plan and you executed it. So, maybe what we’re seeking is not the feeling of getting it just right, but the feeling of pointing to whatever it is and saying, “see that? I did that.”

So, how do we get more of that doing feeling? I think it’s terribly complicated, I think you and I—wait for it—may just have to DO things. We have to stop thinking about all of the reasons it won’t be perfect and remember how we’ll feel when it’s done. We have to know that there is no peer group judging our work, and, there most likely will not be an online survey evaluating our performance. The only judge is that stupid fear in our head telling us it might stink, it could not be right—we need to tell that voice to SHUT IT! That voice is stupid, that voice has never done anything for us but make us feel bad. If that voice were our friend’s boyfriend we would have told her to dump him a LONG time ago!

I get it. Break-ups can be hard. We’ve probably been hanging with the voice for a long time, we’re used to each other, it’s so comfortable. The voice cares about us. It’s just looking out for us because it doesn’t want us to be disappointed/embarrassed/ let down. I get it. But, sometimes you’ve got to take a good look at yourself and realize what’s working for you and what’s holding you back. Because, as long as you listen to the voice, you’ll never get that feeling of accomplishment. You’ll never know if you could have really done it, you’ll always wonder how it would have turned out. At least, give yourself a chance.

I’ll go first! I’ll get on with the doing. I’ll write some things that may not be very good, maybe I’ll have time to go back and edit them, maybe I won’t. If I want to enjoy the people in my life I may have to have them over before I have a chance to clean my baseboards, if they notice, then I’ll know for certain they’re not my people. If I have to wait until I have time to research every destination, I’ll never go anywhere—ever. Aren’t there professionals who do this? I think they were once called travel agents…

The truth is perfectionism can be used as a tool, if you harness it. But, that’s the trick, endeavoring to do things in a way that’s meaningful to you, while still actually accomplishing something. Maybe you just have to start one thing? Right now, just start without a 15 step diagrammed plan that tells you how you’ll accomplish it. It’s overwhelming and terrifying, but they say most of the good stuff starts that way.

Here’s to starting!

As we approach the end of summer I find myself with a strange feeling…I’m not ready for it to be over. This is a departure from where I usually find myself in the beginning of August. I have for years enjoyed the summer, but been very ready when the school year rolls around. So, I’m not sure what’s happening, but dare I say—I think I could use a few more weeks with my kids?!

Summer Lover

Now, first let me start by saying I am not one of those moms that hates summer. I’m not a mom that thinks, “what am I going to do with them all summer?” One who dreads the idea of their kids being at home constantly in need of entertainment, food, camp counselor duties, and general supervision. Well, let’s be honest, I’m not fan of the last part either, but the trade off is worth it to me. The trade off, for me, is getting off the wheel—the wheel of homework, after school activities, lunches, projects, band concerts—I’m already getting tired.

I subscribe to the belief that summer is the time do NOTHING. We don’t sign up for sports, we don’t go to camp; nothing is planned but our family vacation. I feel this way because the nine other months of the year we do ALL the things. The things are awesome and we all enjoy them. But, the things can be a lot, the things can make us tired, so we take a break.

Older And Wiser

I also think that the ages of my children have a lot to do with my new-found love for the summer. You see, when your child gets up without waking you, makes their own breakfast and doesn’t involve you—you’re living your best life. You can sleep in, you can get up and have a leisurely cup of coffee while reading a book in another room—it’s almost like being a full- blown adult. The fact that older children don’t require as much constant supervision is a summer game changer. People tell you about it, but you have to see it to believe it, like Big Foot or The Loch Ness Monster. But, like these phenomena, once you see it, you can’t un-see it. You’ve been to the mountain and you know what it holds. It holds leisure, it holds uninterrupted sleep, it holds freedom.

Older child summer parenting is much more like being a referee; you let the game play out and only get involved when there is an egregious violation of the rules. If one of my children physically harms another, I’ll get involved. If you’ve been playing video games so long I can see your body imprinted on the couch when you sprint to the bathroom, I’ll have to cut you off. But, if you ate two granola bars and called it lunch—I’ll allow it.

You see, summer mom is way cooler because she doesn’t have to do all of the things either. I don’t care about the protein/carb/ fat ratio of your lunch because your little brain has to be at school for six hours and perform. I don’t care if you got toothpaste all over your shirt because we may not leave the house today or you’re just going to put on a swimsuit in twenty minutes anyway. I’m easy, I’m breezy, I’m nothing like school year mom.

Going, Going, Gone

The flip side of these older somewhat easier summer kiddos is that they’re running out of summers. And, while I’m not super mushy or nostalgic because I have three kids (which is basically like a hundred kids) you can’t help but start counting—1 more summer of elementary school, 6 more summers until they’re in college. It crosses your mind that this time is fleeting. You think that watching movies at 2:00 in the afternoon on a Wednesday with all of your people seems like a great idea because soon they’ll want to be at the movies with their friends. Letting them stay up way to late because you were outside all day and you didn’t even start dinner until 7:00 p.m. is ok because you had all that time just to hang out. Once your kids start school, summer is the only non-scheduled time you have with them.

Better Together

Which brings me to my next observation–my kids may actually like each other. This is a revelation that could not be surmised from any of their during-the-school-year behaviors. Everyone is so busy moving in their own direction during the year, that summer is also the only time (if you have more than one child) that your kids get to hang out with each other. Look, I get that we’re all here during the school year doing all kinds of family togetherness, but it’s different.

It’s different. During the school year your kids spend most of their waking day in their classroom or participating in their specific activities—very few of these overlap with siblings. They go to birthday parties with their peer group, they play sports with kids their age and take piano lessons solo. So, the all-day interaction is unique to the summer scene. The “we’re out of video game time so let’s think of something to play”, the laughing with and at each other because they realize that their brother/sister is actually kind of funny, the bonding over the unfortunate fact that their mother, is not that funny—this is what summer does for siblings.

Please don’t misunderstand, it’s not all unicorns and rainbows. There is fighting, yelling, time-outs, electronic bans (this generation’s form of slow death), there are chores that no one can seem to “remember” to do. There are a million frustrating things about having all of this humanity under one roof for a few months. I simply submit that the scale evens out a bit as they get older.

See Ya Summer

So, as August begins and we get ready to wrap this summer up, I find myself wanting more. A few more weeks of giggles from the other room, of lazing around in your jammies, of not having to be the warden about schedules and bedtimes, would be great. But, time and the school year wait for no man, so I’ll just try to enjoy it. I’ll try to stop figuring out when it became kind of fun. I’ll just be grateful that no one was seriously injured in the daily wrestling matches, nobody’s brain actually turned to mush from the use of electronics, and apparently you can sustain life by only eating things found in our pantry.

So long, summer, you’ve been a good friend to us—until next time.

I really just want to leave the house and maybe have a drink…

When taking care of smaller humans is part of your daily responsibilities; it’s easy to forget what makes you an individual person. Sure, you’re responsible for keeping them from harm and generally alive, and that’s an important job. But, what about you? What’s your favorite song? Read any good books lately? How do you feel about the new menswear inspired jackets for fall? These are the questions that no one is asking.

Let Me Out

So, sometimes, I just want to leave my house and have a drink. I want to take my time and get dressed, put on make up, even do my hair. Then, leave the house and go out into the world with the other “people.” I want to go to a non-school related event where no one asks me about children. These world “people” don’t know me and probably can’t even tell (unless I’ve made the unfortunate choice to wear a mid-drift –NEVER) that I have any children. I can just be a person in a bar/restaurant.

Please don’t misunderstand, I’m not doing this secretly or because I’m unhappy in my every day life. There’s usually a very handsome husband (feel free to insert an equally awesome friend or partner of your choice) and a baby sitter involved. I’m not trying to do this several nights a week. I’m lucky if I can even do it once. But, there is something to the anonymity of leaving your reality behind.

How You Doing?

The business of taking care of people, no matter what their age or size is, by nature, a selfless one. No one ever asks the nurse taking their blood pressure how she’s feeling today. You don’t check to see how your dentist is moving along on his path to spiritual awakening. You just accept the care and move on. I’m sure you’re grateful, you’re not an animal. You just don’t pay any real attention to the person giving the care because it’s not how the care giver/ care recipient relationship is set up.

This is why I need to leave my house and have a drink. It’s my chance as an individual human person for someone to ask me about my day, my path to spiritual awakening, my feelings on this year’s Oscar nominees. I take this opportunity whenever it is afforded me. I often decline other engagements and make special arrangements for this glorious thing to happen. It’s important to me.

All Me

This does not make me a selfish or a self-absorbed person. It makes me a person who values themself. I value things that bring me joy. I want the people I’m taking care of to see this and know it’s ok to do the same. You can and should make yourself a priority.

Now, I’m not suggesting you forego your life’s responsibilities. I’m not even suggesting you have to leave your house and have a drink. You could bake a cake, take a walk, practice yoga, binge watch Bravo, carve something out of a bar of soap. I’m not judging what brings you joy—kindly return the favor. I’m merely suggesting that you intentionally set aside some time for yourself where you can take a break and just be.

Sometimes, in the act of taking care of everyone else, we completely forget ourselves. I tell my kids the most important relationship they’ll ever have is with themselves because I believe it to be true. So if I believe it, I’ve got to make time for this fabulous broad that is me. I need to get dressed up and take her out once in a while. I need remind her that she is fun, intelligent, important as an individual person. Maybe we’ll talk about books or art—or maybe we’ll just sit back, have a drink and discuss the merits of the menswear inspired jacket for an hour or two.