A few weeks ago, two out of my three children had math tests. Math is not my jam, which is probably why you’re reading my words instead of watching me solve equations on YouTube—which incidentally, is completely awesome and these kids have NO idea how lucky they are that the interweb will literally answer any question you ask of it—but, as usual, I digress. So, my kids are getting ready to take their tests and because I want to feel helpful; I give them words of advice and encouragement. It’s was my oldest and my youngest so the arithmetic that they’re attempting and their mind set is completely different, but I found myself telling them both the exact same thing. “Believe that you can do it, know that you’ve done everything necessary to prepare, don’t pay any attention to anyone around you—don’t compare, go slowly and be the last one done.”
After doling out this advice twice in one week it occurred to me that maybe I should actually listen to it myself. You see, like many of us, I’ve been struggling with trying to achieve goals, figuring out all about the “what’s next?” for me personally and professionally. And, guess what? It’s frustrating. It’s painfully slow. It is not going exactly how I planned—it’s kind of like taking a math test.
In this little ah-ha moment I realized I should probably take some of my own advice. I was talking about math, but couldn’t this be applied to achieving my own big girl goals? I believe whole-heartedly in what I told my kids.
Believe in yourself. You have to believe in yourself and that belief sometimes requires blind faith in yourself. You have to just “know” that you can do it. You have to remind yourself that you’ve proven yourself over and over again. You rocked your last presentation at work, you’ve completed a half-marathon, you taught small people how to use the bathroom (mostly—if you have boys, I feel like this is an ongoing job.) You manage your life along with the lives of several other people on a daily basis. You’ve done a lot of things successfully.
Know that you’ve done everything necessary to prepare. At some point, like my pal Elsa, you have to let it go. Now, don’t get me wrong you have to do the work. Sometimes you have to do a lot of work with little or no tangible results. But you have to believe that all of the time that you put in will eventually lead to your goal. You showed up, you did all of the things, sometimes that has to be enough. You have to have faith that the path you’re on is the right one, even if it seems to be taking a very long detour.
Don’t pay attention to anyone around you—don’t compare. This one is hard. I totally remember the feeling of sitting in math class and watching people get up to turn their tests in while I was still not even half-way finished. Which immediately prompted a feeling of panic and uncertainty. Because, surely if they have already completed it—I must be way behind. Now, thanks to being a grown up and the wonders of technology I can get this exact same feeling anytime I’d like by scrolling through social media. Awesome! But, let’s be honest, this is on me. Social media is an amazing tool, it allows people to stay connected, gives you amazing ideas about how to decorate your living room or make a cake that looks like an animal—this is all good stuff. Where I (or maybe you too?) mess it up is in the comparison part. One of my favorite sayings is “comparison is the death of happiness,” because it’s TRUE. It’s so true and I say it all of the time. My kids have started finishing the statement for me (sometimes with an eye roll, but at least they’re listening a little). That doesn’t mean it’s not hard. It’s hard to be struggling with running a mile and watch people completing their fourth marathon. It’s difficult to build a business that is barely bringing in any revenue and see a competitor killing it. It’s hard, but again, what we see here is our choice. Maybe we should be inspired by these people? If they can do it, surely, we can too? And, more importantly, maybe we should stop comparing at all? It’s literally one of the dumbest things we do as humans. There is no way to accurately compare people because people are such complex beings that there is almost NOTHING similar about them.
Just think about your average day. No one on the planet earth woke up with the same partner as you, the same set of kiddos, the same childhood memories. No one is going to have the same agenda, the same thoughts, the same goals. There is LITERALLY no one like you. How can you possibly compare things that are not alike? There’s so much math wisdom circling around here, I can hardly stand it!
Go slowly and be the last one done. We live in such an accelerated state and time is truly one of the greatest commodities. That doesn’t mean we have to rush everywhere. OK, so we probably are legitimately rushing a lot of places. That’s usually because someone can’t find a shoe (why is only one shoe always missing?) or a little person has realized they HAVE to go to the bathroom as we’re getting in the car or a teenager has suddenly fallen deaf and just “didn’t hear you” screaming “let’s go!” for the last twenty minutes. But I mean rushing in more of the metaphoric sense. It’s pretty hard to rush toward a goal. Most everything that you achieve is built. It’s a process, one that you sometimes don’t recognize until it’s complete. Give yourself the gift of time. You don’t get a prize for being the first one done with life.
Listen to yourself. Listen to the things you’re telling your kids to make them better, kinder people. Does any of that apply to you in your life? Listen to yourself when you tell them to focus on what matters and believe that they can. How are you doing with that? I think I will start listening to myself. I’m pretty sure my kids are only listening seventy percent of the time at best, so someone should benefit from all of my sage wisdom.