Why You NEED Friends With Older Kids

The best thing that ever happened to me as a mother was through no doing of my own. When I had my first child, I had the divine fortune of being friends with several other women who already had children that were a little older. I believe this is God’s/The Universe’s way of offering you a life line.

In the throws of early parenthood, when you have no idea what in the ever-loving world you’re doing, there are a lot of resources. You can read about 598 books about how to get your baby to sleep/eat/read. So, when you feel as though you are thoroughly incompetent and definitely screwing this motherhood gig up, you can at least attempt to educate yourself and feel like you’ve got a fighting chance.

As you move through this journey, the resources are fewer and farther between. So basically, once your kiddo is walking—you’re on your own. This is why you need girlfriends with older kids. They are your resource, your reference material, your emergency contact.

It’s a tale as old as humanity that “elders” pass along wisdom to the younger generation. And, while I’m sure all of our mothers have given us great parenting advice, most of them don’t know how to operate a smart phone, let alone monitor one. So, you need guidance from people in the field. People that can report back from the battlefront and tell you what it’s like up there. What you should look out for, what you should ignore and when you should really freak out.

Moms with kids even a few years older than your own have already seen it all. While you’re freaking out about the standardized tests in elementary school (older kid moms, please take this moment to insert riotous laughter); your friend with older children is able to give you some perspective (read: tell you it doesn’t matter AT ALL). When you’re worried about the weirdness of pre-adolescence; they’ve got teenagers living and breathing in their household. They will share their stories, which will scare you to death and thus make you appreciate your weird ten year-old and realize you know nothing of adolescence and that’s just fine with you. They give you perspective and hope.

Hope is a beautiful thing. Every year we attend a neighbor’s Christmas party. It’s my favorite party because most of the people in attendance have kids that are a whole “phase” older than mine. Without fail, every year I leave that party with a renewed sense of hope. Hope because these lovely people have survived. Hope because their children seem to be contributing members of society (some would even call them adults). Your friends with older kids can give you that hope. That hope that you’re going to make it. It may not be perfect, it may not look just like you thought it would, but if your intentions are good, you’ll all survive.

Because, your friends with older kids are magnanimous. They’re completely willing to tell you about all of the times they screwed up; about when their children did stupid things—as all children do. They’re not ashamed or embarrassed because they’ve lived through it all and realize that it all happens to everybody. Life happens to everyone. Parenting is hard for everyone—anyone who says differently isn’t paying attention or is trying to sell you something.

So, do yourself a favor and befriend people with older kids and then…listen. Listen when they give you advice or insight as to what helped them through certain phases of parenthood. It doesn’t mean you’ll choose to do things the same way. It doesn’t mean you won’t make the exact same mistakes. But, it will give you hope. Hope that if you just keep trying to do your very best, there’s a better than average chance your kids will grow up feeling loved and accepted and generally ok.

Then, do someone else a favor and befriend people with kids younger than yours. Be their older kid parent. Let them behind the curtain and show them that it’s not always pretty, but there is always hope. There’s nothing like a survivor’s story!