Here it comes, you can feel it approaching. It’s like that terrible dream you have when you’re being chased. Only, it’s not a predator—it’s the HOLIDAYS! We’ve just made through back-to-school—sort of–and now we’ve got Halloween staring us in the face. Someone really should have planned some of this out a little better.
I tell myself every year that I’m not going to go crazy. I announce in my head that I’ll have all of my Christmas shopping done by the end of November—usually I haven’t even started by then. And, inevitably, I find myself flailing through October, November and December with multiple to-do lists and a lot of Amazon expedited shipping.
Not This Year
I have decided that this year things will be different. Now, there will most likely be lots of lists and voice memos to myself, and I will surely be paying to get something in 2 days. But, I’ve decided that I’m going to change my focus. You see, after years of trying to master this crazy season, I’ve determined—it’s not going to happen. Don’t get me wrong, I intend to be as organized as possible and I’m sure I’ll get everything done, like always. I’m just removing the expectation that this year it will somehow be magically different. Because, it won’t.
I will surely face all of the same panic shopping, marathon cooking, time crunches and internet searches that I have for the last—as long as I can remember. What I’m going to change this year is the way I look at it. I am no longer going to judge myself or complain or hold myself to ridiculous expectations of perfection. I’m not going to give myself a hard time if I can’t locate the exact color mermaid pillow that is being requested. I’m not going to be upset that the gift card is my jam because I really have no creative ideas as to what to buy for anyone—probably because no one I buy for really wants anything. I’m also not going to complain about “having” to buy things, bake things, or attend parties. In true reality, not the one inside my head, these are all blessings. I’m lucky I have people to buy for, bake for and party with. A lot of these awesome people I only get to see at this time of year. I’m going to stop complaining and start appreciating. Lastly, I’m going to give myself a BREAK. I’m not going to freak out if there are only two kinds of pie at Thanksgiving because we usually have three. I’m going to give no flips if I bring in a host of store bought, gluten filled, high fructose corn syrup treats to the school Halloween party. If I can’t wrangle three kids to get a Christmas picture I may—GASP—skip the cards this year!
You see friends, this season is coming and we have no control over it. What we can control is how we approach it. We can give ourselves permission to do it our own way. We will be bombarded with images of all of the amazing women who make napkin rings from gourds and twine, mull their own cider and make their own wrapping paper. Good for them! I love that these are things bring them joy. I’ve decided that this year the people are the most important to me. And, my people can barely remember to use their napkins, they couldn’t care less about cider and won’t even notice that their gifts were wrapped because they’ll tear into them in 0.5 seconds. I am going to stop and ask myself my good ole’ “ten year” question at least once a day.
Forget The Stress, Bring The Joy!
Will this matter to anyone in 10 years??? Will my kids remember the kind of sweet potatoes I served at Thanksgiving? Will they remember that I went to 4 different craft stores to try to turn them into a wolf for Halloween? Probably not. But, they will remember their mom being in a perpetually bad mood from October through January. They’ll remember holidays filled with panic and stress. And, that’s not what I’m going for. When I sat back and thought about what it is that makes this such a stressful time of year, it wasn’t the holidays. I like those; I LOVE those. The stress comes from all of the “stuff.” But guess what? I don’t have to do all of the “stuff.” I don’t have to do any of it! It will take a minute to break these old habits and I probably won’t successfully shake them all, but I’m going to do my best. I’m going to ask myself with every holiday task, does this bring joy? If not, I’m going to think about skipping it.
So, it starts now, with this season. I will focus on having fun with my kids. I will get rid of the idea of the perfect costume or the quintessential centerpiece. I will remind myself that I only get a handful of these holidays with these little people and I want them to be filled with laughs and smiles and silliness and joy. I invite you to do it with me, give up your unrealistic expectations and embrace the chaos that will ensue. Also, don’t take it personally if you don’t get a Christmas card this year—they may not make the cut.