Am I the only mom who does not like children’s birthday parties? I love celebrating birthdays and they are a big deal in our house. I want my children to feel special and loved and get to have a day that’s all about them. I just don’t want to involve twenty of their closest friends.
I also don’t want to spend the bulk of my weekend attending the parties of other people’s children. I love my children’s friends. I’m happy they have birthdays. I just don’t want to block off my Saturday and Sunday for them. And, no matter how “simple” the party, that’s exactly what happens.
The Perfect Gift
Prior to attending the party you have to investigate and source a gift. Depending on your social circle, you could be forced to find something “creative” possibly including personalization—this is one step too far for me, personally. I’m lucky if I remember the gift the week of the party. I would never remember in time to have it monogrammed or bedazzled or whatever the kids do these days. Then, there is the elaborate wrapping that comes into play. You people with your fancy raffia bows and tule draped boxes—you’re just making the rest of us look bad. If I am feeling creative, I will curl some ribbon with scissors, otherwise, your child is getting a gift bag. Now, if you are the mother of boys, you will never know this horror. You will be able to go to any store, buy a video game gift card, throw it into a card and be a hero. Your car will smell like a locker room for 3-7 years, but birthday gifts are a breeze, because God is very fair.
So, there’s at least a few hours of my life gone and we haven’t even made it to the party yet. And, these parties are HOURS long. I’m not sure when this happened. I remember the handwritten Hallmark birthday invites of my youth and I’m pretty sure parties were 11:00-1:00 or 1:00-3:00. Now, these parties are up to FOUR hours long! I don’t think my wedding reception was four hours long. What in the world can a bunch of five year-olds do for four hours? More importantly, what are the adults that have to hang out there with their kids supposed to do? If you exceed the two-hour mark, I think you are obligated to have a bar or a nap room for parents. And, four hours means your whole day is kind of a wash. If you happen to have more than one child, you will not only be doing this at a ridiculous frequency, but, you’ll have to find something for the rest of your children/family to do while you’re on birthday safari.
Why? Why are we all doing this? Can’t we just have some friends over, eat some cake, run around outside and call it good? Do we need to make pottery, have a bake-off, a giant waterslide? I’m pretty sure the kids would have fun with or without all of the bells and whistles.
So. Much. Work.
I am not judging. I am as guilty as anyone. Part of the problem is that I do love a party. Whether it’s a cocktail party for adults or a luau for a six year-old, I get very into it. I will go full Pinterest troll. I have been known to make sushi out of Rice Krispies, hire a real-life pony, craft individual tea hats and gloves, make a multi-tiered cake from scratch—I get into it. I totally get how easy it is to slip down the rabbit hole and end up high off paint pen fumes from personalizing race car water bottles at 2:00 a.m. I get it. But, the goal is becoming your best self, and admitting you have a problem is the first step.
Then, there is the aftermath. No one I know needs or wants one more toy brought into their home. Never mind the Christmas-sized haul these kids get when they have a guest list in the double digits. The opening ceremonies for these gifts is akin to a bridal shower—someone (read:YOU) has to write down what was received from whom so that thank you notes may be appropriately sent. We are trying not to raise animals here and teach these kids some manners. But, getting your seven year-old to write twenty thank you notes weeks after their party is also a not what I would call a super fun task. You can try the “no gifts” tact, but you and I both know nobody listens to that. I certainly don’t. I’m not showing up to a kid’s party without a gift –I don’t need that on my karma. So, you’ve had a party and now you have to clean out a closet and covertly purge your child’s belongings just to make space for the loot. This is all a lot of work.
I’m sure we can all think of better ways to socialize both our children and ourselves than to spend to four hours on a Saturday at a Frozen-themed party. There has to be a better option than losing a day of your life in a smelly and loud trampoline park. I don’t know the answer and I don’t have time to think about it too much because I have to buy and wrap two presents for the birthday parties we have this weekend!