So, the fabulous part about life is that there’s always something going on, and the frustrating part about life is—there’s always something going on. I ran into a friend the other day in the middle of Target and we did a quick catch-up. We both had the same synopsis: everything’s good, everyone’s happy, we’re so blessed, but we’d like a minute to slow down. We laughed that in twenty or thirty years we’ll be at home, with no kids to raise or shuttle anywhere and probably be bored out of minds. Why can’t we spread some of this stuff out?
My guess is because that’s not how life works. This is the hard part, you only get one shot at this thing and you can’t always control the speed at which it moves. When you are a new parent the days can drag on forever while you’re waiting for a baby to wake up so you can leave the house, or praying they’ll finally fall asleep so you can take a shower. You’re tied to a little person’s schedule and it sometimes feels like the longest 12 hours you’ve ever had.
Then your kids are bigger. They’re in school and 400 activities. And, guess what? You’re tied to their schedules. You’re transporting (or arranging for transport) all over town. Your weekend is taken over by sporting events and whatever school project happens to be due Monday. Your Wednesday evening may be hijacked by acquiring all of the items they need to make a volcano—TOMORROW! You’re in charge, but sometimes you’re not in control.
The second you have a child, your time is no longer your own. It makes no difference if you work in or out of your home—you are on someone else’s schedule now. It’s not something that you think about too often, but it’s the truth of every parent. Now, I’m not suggesting your children run your household and dictate the day-to-day goings on—that is a hard NO for me. But, you have a responsibility to your children, and part of that is putting them out in the world to participate in all things life.
Everybody Wants A Piece
I read a great book by Samantha Ettus called, The Pie Life. In it, she describes your life and time as a pie. The more people/responsibilities you add, the more you have to divide it up. Not rocket science, but, great food for thought. You can’t spend an hour and half getting yourself ready in the morning when you also have to get small people out the door. You can’t just have a leisurely dinner out with your husband on a Tuesday because now someone has ballet practice. So, you’ve got to think about how you want your pie to look. You have to take a minute and be deliberate about how and where you’re spending your time.
You also have to realize that the make-up of your pie is going to change—like all of the time. The super fun thing about having children is that, like snow flakes, no two days are alike. Although you may feel like it’s Groundhog Day over and over, you rarely get the same day twice. So you’ve got to think about the pie every day. How much time are you spending taking care of your kids? Spending time with your person in a meaningful way? Working? Doing something for you? There is only so much of you to go around. Some days you will nail the distribution of that pie, and other days, you will fail miserably. But, it’s not really a failure. It’s just a day with odd-shaped pieces. They’re going to happen. You’ve got a sick kid? You can just allocate half of that pie to nursing. Is your partner going through something and you need to be there for emotional support? You need to move the pieces around. Decided that you are dedicating the next 30 days to an exercise program? You better make room in that pie!
Stuck In The Middle
The good news and the bad news are the same: it’s not forever. This middle part has us cut up into lots of pieces. Wonderful, laughter-filled, love-filled, stress-filled pieces are what we have now. Someday, we will have just a few pieces and they’ll probably be dedicated to our own pursuits. We will be on our own schedule and get to piece out our pie whichever way we like. But, today is not that day. Today, you have 2 kids going to two different places at the same time, you’re launching a business, you’re trying to be a good daughter/friend/partner/global citizen—it’s hard to find a sliver of sanity in there.
Don’t be too hard on yourself when your pieces are crazy-shaped and someone didn’t get theirs—you’ll do better tomorrow. Maybe everyone doesn’t get a piece every day? That’s ok, they’ll appreciate it (you) more tomorrow. You’re not always going to have enough pie. But, the good news is you get a whole new pie tomorrow. And, no matter how you divide it up, you’ve got to save a small piece for yourself. Don’t give it all away. Save a little piece for yourself and know that all of the pie recipients will be better off because you did. Know that even though you feel pulled apart in a million pieces some days you’re still whole. The sum of those pieces makes you whole. You’re a whole pie full of love, intelligence, kindness and awesomeness—that’s why everybody wants a piece in the first place!