Why Is Your Smile So Big?

This is the question my seven year-old asked me when I was showing her pictures of my annual girls’ trip with all of my college besties. It really made me stop and think—why IS my smile so big?

I’m a happy gal. I smile all the time and have the lines to prove it. But, my daughter is right– my smile is so big when I’m with these ladies. Why do I feel so much joy around them? Why do I laugh so much harder at everything they say and do?

It’s not that I love them any more than my other close friends. I just love them differently. I’ve known them since I was just a kid myself. They’ve seen all versions of me. Some of these versions are not the most flattering. They’ve been here through the evolution. They’ve helped with it, too.

You see, as we grow older, I think there are very few people who can call us on all of our stuff. There are very few people who can say anything to you; people who you listen to without judgment. You listen because you know that even if it’s something you don’t want to hear, they’re saying it with love. These people are not afraid to tell you that your necklace is ugly, your clogs are no longer cute and they’re really glad you divorced your first husband. They’re not afraid because they love you. They say these things because they want you to be the best version of you. They say these things, often times, because nobody else will. They say these things and you have to listen.

You have to listen. This is sometimes hard. Lots of times they say things you don’t want to hear, and then, they say them again—just in case you missed it the first time. One of the beauties of this meet-up is that it’s annual. These friends of mine are not directly involved in the goings on of my day-to-day life. Sure, we’re always in contact and they get the main ideas. But, these are not the people helping me with school pick-ups or standing with me at soccer games. These are my high-level consultants.

They’re able to provide a perspective that is unique. The know me intimately and have for a long time, but they’re not mixed up in the everyday nonsense with me; so they can cut through all the stuff. They ask hard questions—usually the ones I’ve been asking myself, but avoiding. They’re not trying to tell me what to do, rather they’re making me realize that I already know the answer; that maybe there is no answer and that’s ok too. Sometimes, they just listen because most of life’s larger problems don’t have easy solutions. They may try to offer ideas, but they don’t sugar coat it, they don’t try to tell me it’s all going to be ok, because sometimes it’s not. They do this because they love me. I do the same thing for them because the feeling is mutual.

This kind of unconditional love and acceptance is a rare find. It’s the kind of love where you can talk about a heartbreaking loss one minute and your greatest triumph the next. The kind of love that can have you laughing right through your tears. The kind of love that lets you feel all of the feels. The kind of love that leaves you comforted knowing that, no matter what these people have your back. They love just as you are. They don’t like your necklace, but they’re not going to be mad at you if you don’t take it off. They’re going to make fun of you for your clogs, but no one else had better say a word to you about them. They may not have been a fan of your first husband, but they kept it to themselves and supported you until you were ready to hear it.

So, when you’re around this kind of love there is really no other option but, to smile big. Smile big, because these are some of the most special people you know and you get to spend a whole weekend soaking them up. Smile big, because you can make fun of each other and laugh at your own expense. Smile big because no matter how old you are, dancing until your feet hurt is a great idea.

I hadn’t noticed the size of my smile until my daughter pointed it out to me. I didn’t really think about all of the reasons behind that smile. Now that I have, I only wish that when my daughter is bigger she has the same kind of love surrounding her. I hope she smiles SO big!