The Art of Perpetually Getting Ready

It occurs to me that I spend a great deal of my time preparing things. I prepare things for other things, I prepare people for things, and I even attempt to prepare myself for things, when I’m lucky. However, I now find myself wondering: is all this preparing actually getting in the way of doing? Am I not getting anything done because I’m too busy getting ready to do things?

Is it possible that I’m using preparation as a crutch? I can’t possibly start writing because my computer isn’t running properly. I would love to have a dinner party, but I haven’t tackled the ever-present to-do list around my house. I can’t travel to Europe because I don’t have time to plan my itinerary. The truth is that these obstacles I’m plagued with may just be a really creative way at practicing avoidance and masking fear.

Nobody’s Perfect

Or better yet, they may be another way that the dreaded idea of perfection rears its ugly head. Perfection that doesn’t, and will never exist. Perfection that is the death of happiness. Or, in this case, what could’ve been a rockin’ dinner party or an amazing trip. How can I not be paralyzed by perfection?

The truth of the matter is being a so-called “perfectionist” is not always a bad thing. We’re thorough, we’ve done our research, we generally deliver an above average end product. I am learning though, that we sometimes deliver nothing, nada, zero, zilch—you get my point. If I can’t learn to let go of the idea that everything I undertake has to end up as perfect as it first appeared in my head, I fear I’ll never really do anything again—and that’s a pretty scary thought.

The reality that is life rarely allows us to devote time, single-mindedly, without distraction to one task for long periods of time. (If this is not your reality, than God bless and I say rock that for as long as you can!) But, I have come to accept it as my own and by doing this, I realize that I sometimes am just going to have to take on things knowing with absolute certainty that they won’t be perfect. Heck, some of them might not even get finished (gasp!)! And you know what ? That’s going to have to be OK, because I’ve decided that perfection is not going to get in the way of my happiness. And, it turns out, that I’m much happier when I’m doing. Oh, I love to geek out on a plan, but if I’m being honest, the doing is where it’s at. It’s where the thrill lies, the part that gives you the feels—it’s also terrifying.

Just DO It

You know the doing feeling, it’s amazing. That sense of accomplishment when you paint a room, clean out a closet, finish writing a 15 page presentation—you’re so proud of yourself, because you DID it. But, and I don’t want to crush your dreams, the odds that that room/closet/presentation were perfect are slim to none. You’re not proud of yourself because it’s perfect, you’re proud because it’s done. You’re proud because you had an awesome idea in your head, you made a plan and you executed it. So, maybe what we’re seeking is not the feeling of getting it just right, but the feeling of pointing to whatever it is and saying, “see that? I did that.”

So, how do we get more of that doing feeling? I think it’s terribly complicated, I think you and I—wait for it—may just have to DO things. We have to stop thinking about all of the reasons it won’t be perfect and remember how we’ll feel when it’s done. We have to know that there is no peer group judging our work, and, there most likely will not be an online survey evaluating our performance. The only judge is that stupid fear in our head telling us it might stink, it could not be right—we need to tell that voice to SHUT IT! That voice is stupid, that voice has never done anything for us but make us feel bad. If that voice were our friend’s boyfriend we would have told her to dump him a LONG time ago!

I get it. Break-ups can be hard. We’ve probably been hanging with the voice for a long time, we’re used to each other, it’s so comfortable. The voice cares about us. It’s just looking out for us because it doesn’t want us to be disappointed/embarrassed/ let down. I get it. But, sometimes you’ve got to take a good look at yourself and realize what’s working for you and what’s holding you back. Because, as long as you listen to the voice, you’ll never get that feeling of accomplishment. You’ll never know if you could have really done it, you’ll always wonder how it would have turned out. At least, give yourself a chance.

I’ll go first! I’ll get on with the doing. I’ll write some things that may not be very good, maybe I’ll have time to go back and edit them, maybe I won’t. If I want to enjoy the people in my life I may have to have them over before I have a chance to clean my baseboards, if they notice, then I’ll know for certain they’re not my people. If I have to wait until I have time to research every destination, I’ll never go anywhere—ever. Aren’t there professionals who do this? I think they were once called travel agents…

The truth is perfectionism can be used as a tool, if you harness it. But, that’s the trick, endeavoring to do things in a way that’s meaningful to you, while still actually accomplishing something. Maybe you just have to start one thing? Right now, just start without a 15 step diagrammed plan that tells you how you’ll accomplish it. It’s overwhelming and terrifying, but they say most of the good stuff starts that way.

Here’s to starting!